"La Cortesía" (2011 - March 4)

This is our fourth year in a row coming to San Miguel. Although it's a pleasure to be here, we don't consider ourselves typical "tourists" (people who travel to or visit a place for pleasure). Rather, the opportunity to stay for extended periods of time allows us to satisfy an anthropological  fascination with the Mexican peoples and their culture, past and present.

A re-enactment of  traditional native dress and dance. 

Each year we attend a marvelous lecture, done by Warren Hardy (founder of the language school I attend) entitled "What Really Matters to Mexicans?" In that class he explores the history of Mexico as well as the United States, and reveals how that history has shaped who the Mexican people are today. And what we need to do, as visitors in their country, to gain their trust and respect so that we can live in harmony.

Mexico is a tribal nation that bears the wounds of it's history. Although it's civilization was destroyed by Cortes and the conquistadors in the 1500's with a new race of people (Mestizos) created, and although half of it's land (now known as California, Arizona, New Mexico, Colorado and part of Utah) was lost to the United States (1848), the deeply ingrained spirituality of this indigenous people has enabled them to hang on to their souls and emerge as a gentle, dignified race, proud of their country, and who they are.

Un hombre in traditional colorful Mexican attire

The term "La Cortesia" was coined during Mexico's Humanist Movement in 1847 when some of the basic courtesies of Spain, along with the core values of respect and dignity that the Mexicans embraced as a people, began to be institutionalized. It was, and continues to be, the job of the mother to teach these courtesies to her children. To this day, if a person does not adhere to the core values of "La Cortesia", he or she is considered "mal educado" (poorly educated). This is a blemish on the mother.  And because family is so important to Mexicans, a bad reflection on the mother is avoided at all costs.

A typical Mexican family, enjoying one another's company in 

El Jardin, the beautiful park in the center of town.

Rick and I have learned that, as visitors in their country, being aware of and using the basic tools in "La Cortesia" is a way of connecting with the Mexcian people. Extending dignity through these simple courtesies lets them know, at some level, that we're aware of their history and that we respect their core values. We have used two of these tools with great results, and I would like to share them with you in this essay.

1) Formal Greetings of "Buenos Días", "Buenas Tardes" and "Buenas Noches"
The simple acknowledgement of another person as you enter their space by using one of the above greetings (depending on the time of day) goes a long way. And adding a title (such as Señor or Señora) to the greeting not only gets a response from the recipient, but usually a smile. Remember the political novel written in 1958, "The Ugly American"?  Who wants to be burdened with such a label while visiting another country? The "formal greeting" is an easy way to establish equality while imparting a sense of dignity that goes both ways, thus eliminating any negative perceptions that might exist. And take our word for it - it works like a charm. Whether it's with a shopkeeper, a waitperson, or just someone we pass on the street, "Buenos días" is a sincere way of connecting - from the heart.

2) Requesting Space - "Con Permiso"
The sidewalks of San Miguel are narrow, and can be difficult to traverse. Often the person in front of me is walking slowly; other times two or more people are engaged in conversation, taking up the space that I need to pass through. Of course it's an option to move onto the street (as long as it's not busy and/or there are no cars parked alongside). But knowing about the simple phrase "con permiso", and using it when wanting to get by, is akin to having the key to a locked door. Although it's been amazing to see how positively people respond to those words, I used to wonder what the person was saying as they momentarily paused and I passed. Their quiet tone always implied politeness and respect (which, I assumed, ruled out rude labels and swear words), and I naturally responded with "gracias". But just yesterday I learned from an American, fluent in Spanish, that the response to "con permiso" is "propía", which means "it's yours". Now how lovely is that? What a graceful, dignified interaction, in a situation that could easily be interpreted as "ugly American-ish" if not done properly. "Muchas gracias" to Warren Hardy for this invaluable cultural tip.

*****

I feel blessed to have the opportunity to spend a significant time in Mexico each winter. I cherish the warmth,  I rejoice in my advances while studying the language, and I really like meeting other adventurers who appreciate what San Miguel has to offer. But the frosting on the cake is that each year I'm able to go deeper in my understanding of the lifestyle and culture of a truly soft and lovely race of people. I've obviously discovered an anthropological interest that I never even realized I had.  Now that's cool!!!